October 15th Pregnancy and Infant Loss Rememberance day
I often visit the Remembering Babies web site http://www.october15th.com/. There are some great resources and ideas to help those who have experienced loss, as well as memorial keepsake items to purchase, and much more.
I'll Hold You in Heaven
From the very beginning I loved you,As I made plans to hold you and rock you:You were tiny and helpless as you lay in my womb,But something went wrong and soon you were gone;My young heart was broken, my tears fell like rain,I'd never known such heartache and pain. I wonder who you look like, me or your dad,Do you have my smile and his eyes?Would you have been big and tall or tiny and small?We had dreams for you that reached to the skies.It was long, long ago and I still miss you so,Thanks to Jesus, I'll see you in heaven. I'll hold you in heaven someday,When my trials on earth pass away;The angels have rocked you, the Father watches over you,I know you're waiting for me;I never could hold you or tell you "Goodbye",But I'll hold you in heaven someday.
In loving memory of Darrell Keith and Melody Joy Taylor. (c) 1998 Jo Ann Taylor All Rights Reserved
Please See Me Through My Tears
You asked, "How are you doing?" As I told you, tears came to my eyes...and you looked away and quickly began to talk again.
All the attention you had given me had drained away. "How am I doing?" I do better when people listen, though I may shed a tear or two.
This pain is indescribable. If you've never known it, you cannot fully understand.
Yet I need you. When you look away, I am again alone with it. Your attention means more than you can ever know.
Really, tears are not a bad sign, you know! They're nature's way of helping me to heal.
They relieve some of the stress of sadness ....but you are wrong. The memory of my loved one's death will always be with me, Only a thought away.
My tears make my pain more visible to you, but you did not give me the pain...it was already there. When I cry, could it be that you feel helpless, Not knowing what to do?
You are not helpless, And you don't need to do a thing but be there.
When I feel your permission to allow my tears to flow, you've helped me You need not speak. Your silence as I cry is all I need. Be patient...do not fear.
Listening with your heart to "how I am doing" relieves the pain for when the tears can freely come and go, I feel lighter.
Talking to you releases what I've wanted to say aloud, clearing space for a touch of joy in my life. I'll cry for a minute or two... and then I'll wipe my eyes and sometimes you'll even find I'm laughing later. When I hold back the tears, my throat grows tight, my chest aches, my stomach knots... because I'm trying to protect YOU from my tears. Then we both hurt ME, because my pain is held inside, a shield against our closeness and YOU, because suddenly we are distant. So please, take my hand and see me through my tears... then we can be close again.
A wonderful resource I have read over the years in dealing with my own personal loss and also have given to numerous other moms who have faced loss is a book titled "I'll Hold You in Heaven", by, Jack Hayford.